For people who know me while growing up in my high school days, I was never really alone. I was one of those girls who was wrapped up in boyfriends and I loved the attention. I wish back then I realized there were more to being a teenager then stupid boys. I didnt allow myself to grow up and find out who I really was. But I wouldnt change it because all the mistakes I made and the boys I dated, made me who I am now and through all that mess, I found Andrew. The point I'm trying to make is that I have never been alone so when Andrew left, I never felt more alone in my life. I lost my best friend. Maybe not having that attention all of the time might've made bmt a little easier.
May 30 was the last day I got to spend with Andrew before he took off. That night was probably the worst yet best night I've ever had. Andrew really opened up to me and we both cried ourselves to sleep because it was my last night being in his arms for a couple months. Unfortunately morning came and I had to drive Andrew to Idaho Falls where a bus would pick him up to take him to Butte for processing. Saying goodbye and watching him walk away was really hard for me. I remember watching him walk away and I looked back at his mom and told her "I will never see that Andrew again." Which was true. Andrew came back a totally different person from when he left. I had one hour drive back to Pocatello and that was the longest drive. Thankfully I was able to text and talk to him for one more night.
June 1st came and Andrew arrived at Lackland. It was 3 a.m. when I got the worst phone call. It was Andrew reading me a post card with his address that I would be recieving in about a week. The worst part of that phone call was all the yelling I could hear in the background. This is when I lost it because he read what he was suppose to and then hung up and I knew from that time on I wouldnt hear from Andrew for awhile. I didnt hear from him for about 2 weeks. The fisrt two week during this process is the hardest. I would not leave my room and never got myself cleaned up. It felt more like I was grieving for Andrew like he was dead. It was hard just thinking he was at boot camp. As much as people would like to argue with me, while your loved one is going through bmt, you are also going through training as well. It wasnt as hard as what Andrew went through but bmt is a physical, mental, and an emotional training. It took a toll on me in all categories. I stopped eating, I was crying all the time (no exaggeration), and my heart was literally brocken. I did not feel like myself. I was alone and not sure what to do with myself. It doesnt take a toll on just the spouse. It takes a toll on everyone who is close to the trainee but it effects mostly the spouse and the mother. I was lucky enough to have Andrews sister Brittany and Tylan stay with me and I always had Cooper. Without them I probably would've gone into depression and lost myself. People who are reading this are probably thinking Im being over dramatic but I kid you not, being a military wife is hard. There are only a handful of women who can do this. Only women who have gone through this and are going through it right now can only relate to how it really feels. But I owe a lot to Brittany and Tylan. They always made me feel secure and they listened to me rant about some of the things I hated about bmt and they would always let me cry on there shoulder. I realized that I needed to start picking myself up and to be strong for Andrew because I knew thats what he would want me to do. I began writing. I wrote Andrew a letter and sometimes 3 letters a day. At the end of bmt and gave me 113 letters. Bmt is only 65 days. Come to find out I love to write and it made me feel close to Andrew. I would tell him about my days and how I was feeling. I also sent him lots of pictures to put a smile on his face. I began researching, keeping myself busy and then I met some three amazing women on afwingmoms (Facebook Air Force BMT website) who's husbands and boyfriend were in Andrews flight meaning they were interaccting with Andew.
These three women helped me out the most. Going through this expierence, you need people who are going through it with you because you can relate and talk about stuff that is bothering you. It was a good support system we had going on. We would stay up all night talking on facebook or over skype. We would talk about our husbands or ourselfs. We all became really close and we were there for each other through the bad and good days. We would always jump on skype when one of us got a letter and we would show each other how long it was. I knew everyday I could call or text one of these girls and they would be there for me and just let me talk.
At this point, I started recieving phone calls and letters from Andrew. The first call I got after that dreadful postcard call, was one of the best and most emotional. It was so great to hear his voice and to hear that he was ok. After that I recieved a phone call every week. Sadly they were all 10-15 minute calls but trust me it was better then nothing. His calls and letters were what kept me going through the week and as time went by, I got stronger and things got a lot easier. This was the first time and longest time I have ever been away from Andrew since we first got together, 3 years ago so this was really hard and I learned a lot about myself when he was away. Gloom June finally past and it was July. Halfway mark. This is when time really started flying by and I started planning my trip down to San Antonio, Tx for Andrews graduation. I tried to make planning this trip take up most of my day. I researched everything, I even made a cute shirt for the airman's run.
During July I kept writing and kept telling myself it was going to be over soon and the wait was worth it. On afwingmoms, I kept seeing posts of women at graduation telling all of us all the crying and waiting was worth it. Were they right? Yes they were. Graduation came and I was moments away from seeing my airman. Me and the ladies were sitting by each other pointing out our husands and waiting anxiously for the guy over the speaker to tell us we can "tap out" our Airman. Me and the girls got really good seats so we were one of the first to hug our men. When I hugged Andrew for the first time, all the crying and sleepless nights were worth it. Bmt made us grow as a person and as a couple. We reconnected instantly. I never thought I could love someone as much as I loved him but still today my love for him is still growing. I am so lucky to have such a honorable man in my life. He has sacrificed so much to be where he is today and I am so proud of him and his accomplishments.
Would I ever want to go through bmt again?! No, but I wish every girl could expierence what me and the other military wifes go through because military is tough and sometimes unfair but in the end its worthwhile and those are the days I live for! <3
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